I was paralyzed. “Stuck”. Not knowing what is next is a scary thing. My life seemed to be a perpetuating cycle of the same old thing. Self-destructive habits and negative influences. I had unknowingly found myself adrift down the path of least resistance. At 20 years old, I was certainly naive. I had no direction. I always felt I was going to be successful so it has to happen right?! My dream was to play college football. This led me to neglect many things in my life by not having a true plan and just hoping “it would all work out.” You always hear about “life defining moments” but you will never find them in the moments that are defining you. Stop searching for them. That is to say we wait for something big to happen or something spontaneously happens that changes the course of our lives and the way we view it. Most often, the moments that define us have already happened and will continue to happen without us paying much attention because the decisions we make on a daily basis not only reflect our true values but also mold us into the people we will come to be. At 20 years old, out of college, holding on to a dream with no plan, and no job… I needed a wake up call.

This wake up call came when reality smacked me in the face. I had a car I could not afford and all four of my tires needed to be replaced. How the hell am I going to fix this? What am I doing with my life?! I want you guys to understand who I was at this point in time in my life. I worked out three times a day. It was my entire being. My excuse for the excessive amounts of training was that I wanted to play Division 1 football. Looking back on it now, I can say that I was using the workouts to escape reality. To escape my situation. To escape my lack of accomplishment. To escape the underlying feeling of unfulfillment I had every night when I finally laid down to rest. My friends were in college, going to class while I was out here acting like I had it all figured out. Truth was, I had nothing figured out and it scared the hell out of me. On top of all of this… I was in a toxic relationship. Something had to give… so I made a call that turned out to be one of these life defining moments.

I called my father. Leading up to this point we had only talked and visited each other sparingly over the previous 15 year period. He and my mother had divorced when I was five. I always respected him and looked up to him. He gave me the drive to be successful because he was a self made man. Worked hard and diligently on his craft and lived a life he enjoyed. My father and I are very alike which is the main reason we have always butted heads. My mother was the nurturer. To her I could do no wrong. She allowed me to live in La-La Land while my Dad would bring me crashing back down to earth. The act of me calling him was surely the final sign of immense desperation.

I told him about my situation. My life and the lack of direction. I have always had big dreams but I never took action of those dreams. He gave me an ultimatum. I had to either continue doing the same shit that got me to where I was, or pack my life up in 1 week, get in a car, drive across country to Arizona, and start anew. I can easily say that up to this point in my life, this decision was the biggest and scariest thing I have ever done. Every piece of me wanted to back out and continue down that path of least resistance. With the deadline of one week in mind and family support, I decided to take the leap of faith. It has forever changed my life. Beyond obvious reasons and challenges that moving to a completely new place brings, it invigorated my drive and ignited a fire that had been buried deep inside my entire life.

They say “Life begins where your comfort zone ends.” I could not agree more. The whole situation was uncomfortable. Finding a real job, living with a person I hadn’t lived with since I was five, being 2,500 miles away from everything I have ever known, I could go on and on. After a month, I called back home and I told my family I wanted to move back. It was too much, too soon, too scary. My mom told me no. She said “There is nothing here for you Matt. You have to become your own man.” I knew at that very moment South Carolina would never be home for me again. It was almost as if everything I was holding on to, every ounce of resistance I had left just faded away after those words. I immersed myself in my surroundings and I started to focus on how I could better myself and become something more. Letting go has ultimately led me to where I am today.

This courage to face this one fear gave me the strength to confront the next, then the next. Soon, I was able to conquer most things I had put aside or bogged me down in the past. After living in Arizona for 8 months, my father and his family moved to Oklahoma. He wanted me to move with him. I decided to stay, by myself, while working a job that only paid $8.50 an hour. I had 2 weeks to find a roommate. I truly feel like the person I was just 8 months prior to this situation would have packed up their bags and went back to South Carolina. But I was prepared. There was no hesitation in my decision to stay and do whatever I needed to do.

Fast forward the clock 5 years. There have been so many tests and even more scary decisions. I can’t even begin to tell you about all of the amazing people I have met, relationships cultivated, and experiences that I wouldn’t trade for the world. I am now happily married with two fur babies (corgis) and 100% self-employed. I am still learning new things every day and growing more and more. It is important to look back and reflect on how far you’ve come to help you appreciate the current moment and strive to be better in the next. Taking that initial leap of faith has led me to conquer all the other things along the way. This is not to say that I do not live with fear. Of course I have fears and things that scare me. However, what I do not do is let these fears control me. I do not live fearful. I accept, surrender, and take action on these fears regardless of how uncomfortable I feel in the moment. It’s always fun to look back and say, “Damn, I did that?!” I have embarrassed myself plenty of times and I am sure I will embarrass myself plenty more. That is the beauty of this whole thing. You learn from these moments, grow stronger in every way, then come back for more.

If I can say one thing to you that I have found to be the most crucial aspect of facing fears is this… let go. Let go of everything that is holding you back. The negative words you say to yourself. The toxic people that are bringing you down. The folks that make you believe that you are not good enough. Understand that YOU ARE IN CONTROL. You can make your life however you want it to be. There are certainly things that you may not be able to control such as the things other people do or say, but what you can control is your effort and attitude. You are responsible for your own joy and happiness. Never let anyone take this away from you. Take that leap of faith. I promise you, no matter the immediate outcome, your life will NEVER be the same. Keep pushing and REMEMBER… BE THE BETTER YOU. I love you all.